Football and movies
mickey2093
So I watched a lot of the Patriots game yesterday - that was cool... They ended the colts post-season: 43-22.
Watched the last part of New Orleans getting sent home - that also was fun, since I really don't like them. That's the only team that I actively don't like, and I guess it's because they were paying their players bounties for injuring players on other teams. That's not cheating - it's evil...
Right now I'm (on and off) watching San Diego at Denver. I'd like to see San Diego win, just because I like them more, but right now it looks like Manning and the Broncos are going to take it - it's halftime, and the score is 14-0... ah well - Manning is a great quarterback, so it's not surprising...

I've been switching back and forth between football and movies today. Earlier it was The Green Lantern - I've seen it, but I enjoy it so don't mind watching it again. Now, however, I'm going back and forth between the Denver game and True Lies. That's an awesome movie - I love Schwarzenegger in anything, and Tom Arnold is hysterical in this one.

Ah well - time for dinner, then to do some laundry, then back to the game and True Lies.
Later -

First week over...
mickey2093
Finished my first week at the new contract. It was endless... They still haven't managed to enter me into their system, so I have no development environment, no logon credentials (using a guest account on the laptop they scrounged up for me), no access to the sources for the application that I'm to be working on (I guess, since they've not given me any specifics on what I'm going to be doing yet), and the one person that has spoken to me in the office - the person I report to - has spent all of 10 minutes acknowledging my presence.
fuck it - whatever. as long as they're paying me I'll sit in the cubicle, read the years-old sparse documentation, and beef-up my sql and xml skills - they should come in handy when I actually have work to do, and if not, then they'll be better for the next interview I go on...

Beyond that, I've been spending my time either reading (The Hobbit, currently), hanging out with my youngest kid or my wife and mother-in-law, or reading and posting over at the forum I mentioned previously.
Unfortunately, it's not much different there than at the new contract. Few acknowledgements of existence, and a few of those not exactly warm. Not specifically mean, or nasty, but more along the lines of indicating that my time would be better spent doing something else. Since I battle depression already (and I'm not much of a warrior, losing the battle more often than not), these comments, while I am sure are not meant to be mean or make me go away, nonetheless send me further into the dark recesses of my own loneliness.

It's not that I'm alone, mind you - I have a wife who loves me, children who love me (even if mostly wrapped up in their own lives these days), and my mother-in-law (whom we live with and I love dearly) that also loves me. But not being alone is not the same as feeling like you belong, which is what drives loneliness away. When you feel like you don't belong anywhere, you feel alone. When life and its challenges seem overwhelming - too much for any one person to handle, even though there is no one else to take the burdens - then you feel alone.

I used to love looking at the night sky. The endless expanse of stars was peaceful, somehow comforting. But now I see endless darkness only occasionally broken up by tiny, insignificant specks of light so distant that they have aged millions or billions of years since they sent out their images. In all that emptiness, the world crashes in and I start to twist and bunch-up inside, until I have to look away - find something here on the ground to look at. I hate it - I miss feeling the wonder...

I'm not sure why I bother writing any of this - no one is going to see it, and even if they did, there's nothing they could say or do that would have any effect. All it would do is either amuse them, depress them, or leave them with nothing more than the impression that I'm a self-pitying, self-absorbed whiner. Well, for those last people, I can only say fuck you - you don't know my life beyond what I've written, and that isn't even a thousandth of a percent of my life. For the others, if it's amusing, then I'm glad I've been the source of some levity in your life - enjoy it while it lasts. If depressing, then I would apologize, but I'm not particularly sorry. I haven't asked anyone to read this, so it's not my fault.

I suppose I'm hoping that getting all of this shit out somewhere (talking about myself or my feelings is not my thing, so I'm left with typing in a place that people who know me won't accidentally find it) will be some sort of catharsis, and will in the end help me...

enough... I've got to go do something else before I bang my head against the keyboard...

Raymond Feist
mickey2093
So I've read the entire Riftwar Cycle, including 'Midkemia: The Chronicles of Pug', and loved it (well, the Chronicles was okay, but it's mostly a very short summary of the previous 30 books...). It was sad to read the final book - Magicians End - but all good things must end, I guess.

The good news is that in April, Ray has a new book coming out - King of Ashes (War of Five Crowns) - the first book in a new fantasy series. I'm psyched - I love Feist, and I just can't wait to get my grubby fingers on the new series...

I just wish Donaldson was working on something new (perhaps he is - I just don't know about it if he is). I'm going to have to pick up The Gap Cycle - his foray into science fiction - I've read in a forum that I frequent that it's actually really good... Fortunately, it's complete and all available in paperback :)
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Started today...
mickey2093
Started the new contract today. They weren't ready for me, even though they've known for over 2 weeks that I was coming today. I sat staring at the walls of a cubicle for an hour, then finally got a temporary laptop with a guest account. After that, the remainder of the day was reading out of date documentation. The hardest part of my day was staying awake, and I've got most likely at least two more days of that...
I'll be glad when the work really gets started...
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Starting a new contract!
mickey2093
Well finally...
I've been looking for work since my previous company unceremoniously laid off me and a bunch of other people - deciding that they didn't want the office in Southern Florida anymore, and we were expendable...
Assholes - I had been with the company for 7 years before this company acquired us, and 2 1/2 years afterward. No warning, just came one day and gave us our walking papers. I'd signed on a house the year before, and have since lost it. At my age, it's not likely that I'll be buying a house again, as my credit went to hell in the interim, and I have no money left. Even my unemployment ran out in mid December, '13...

But hopefully that's coming to an end... The contract is 0-6 months... They indicated that there wasn't a lot of likelihood of a chance to go permanent, but I really didn't expect it to be so, as it's through a staffing company, and they have clauses that prevent direct hiring of their 'employees' by their clients... That's okay... it'll beef up my experience, give me an opportunity to get some professional experience with .NET, and give me more time to look for a permanent position. Once I have more experience with C# and .NET, I won't have any problem - that's what has kept me looking...

On another note, I just finished reading Midkemia: The Chronicles of Pug, by Raymond Feist and Stephen Abrams. I'd read the entire Riftware Cycle by Feist (with a few collaborations in the middle), and loved it, so my daughter got me this one for Christmas. It wasn't too bad - mostly an overview of the entire cycle, with some side notes by Pug and his son Magnus. An interesting read, if not particularly engrossing. Having finished the Riftwar Cycle, and also the last book of The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant: The Last Dark, by Stephen R. Donaldson, I was left without much to read other than books I'd already read quite a few times, so it was nice to have.

Now I'm back to reading the complete Sherlock Holmes, by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. I picked up a collection of classics quite a few months ago, and will work my way through it. First I have to finish Holmes, then it's on to Homer - The Iliad and The Odyssey... Those oughta keep me busy for quite some time...

Beyond that, I spend my time over at Is Winter Coming? - a forum for those of us who are really tired of waiting for George R. R. Martin to stop dicking around and get back to the song of ice and fire novels. five years between books is pretty bad, especially when the last two books were sub-par compared to the previous three, and those three didn't take him as long...
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Not a writer
mickey2093
I pretty much have this journal account so that I can respond to other peoples posts. I likely won't be writing much, as I'm normally a fairly private person (the things I'd have to say about my private life would likely make certain people unhappy at best, down right violent at worst, and since I live with them, that's not such a good idea...).

I may surprise myself and actually come here and say something once in a while, but since no one will be reading it, that's not likely either...

what can I say - I'm a putz, and I'm proud of it...
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